I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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