Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
