I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
