MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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