Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
