So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
