New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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