I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
