Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
