Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
