Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize