the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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