I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
