i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
