Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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