I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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