Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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