Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
