We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
