On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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