maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize