Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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