Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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