first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
