I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
