Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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