You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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