Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
