I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
