You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
