Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
