you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
