Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
