she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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