the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
