Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
