i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
