Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
