this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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