Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
