piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
