margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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