went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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