Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
