i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
