Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
