Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dick very happy bro
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
