Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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