I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize