There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
