i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
