are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
