Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
