if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
