I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
