What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
