I didn't shave. On purpose
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
