My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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