3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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