I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
