Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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