i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
