im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
