she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
