he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
