the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this must be what syphilis tastes like
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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