if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
